Why do I want to join Temple of the Silver Star?
I need training and testing.
To be more specific, training in ceremonial magick and raja yoga, and the related sciences and arts of the Western Mystery Tradition. It is my belief that I need these to fulfill my Will.
I desire the training and guidance of fellow stellae who are further along the path, and the accountability of commitment to the work.
I also desire to work in a group.
It is my belief that this too is necessary to expressing my Will. There are several dimensions to this, but they seem summed up in terms of service. Service to other stellae, service to the greater Stellae, service to the planet, service to the Creator.
Practically, there is the training of Sangha, as the Buddhists call it. It also seems evident that when a group is in harmony and of one mind, its potency is greatly enhanced, and thus the potential for service is magnified.
Why the Temple of the Silver Star?
This is a good question, and one I have weighed for a period of time. I believe that I first became aware of the existence of TotSS early in 2018, searching for magickal groups in Sacramento. While I was impressed by the clarity of the presentation on the website, I wasn’t sure that I could sign on wholeheartedly behind the Prophet and the Book, having concerns about both (more on that below).
2018 was a transitional year which saw me beginning the curriculum in the Cicero’s Self Initiation in the Golden Dawn Tradition, continuing study of the B.O.T.A materials, and going through Magdalen University. The record shows that I ordered Living Thelema on October 25, 2019, and I think I may have stumbled across the podcast shortly before. I was deeply impressed by Dr. Shoemaker’s clarity, insight and presentation, sensing a very deep, sane and balanced understanding of the Western Mystery Tradition.
I began attending the public lectures in December 2019, which I have continued to attend since, except when a lecture conflicted with another commitment, and was impressed by Matthew’s scholarship. I was also heartened by his knowledge of and respect for the lineages of the tradition, and by what felt to me like a healthy attitude toward Crowley: obvious respect, but tempered with constructive critical analysis and encouragement of independent thought.
In August I was inspired to reach out to Dr. Shoemaker. If I recollect accurately, I had found the video of him performing the Gnostic Mass with the Seattle O.T.O. group, and had been impressed by the beauty and power of the ritual. While still not completely certain about the alignment of my own path with the Thelemic current, it occurred to me that I might engage in the context of therapy or coaching, and thus benefit from his guidance and get a better sense of “vibrational affinity”.
Since then, I have been working with Dr. Shoemaker every other week in a coaching capacity, and in addition to finding a valuable source of guidance and support, have confirmed my initial sense of the depth, sanity and balance of his work.
In July I had ordered a copy of Soror Meral’s book on Tarot and Astrology, and appreciated the inclusion of her letters which dealt frankly and openly with some of the “dirty laundry” of the O.T.O in those days. In many respects it was these letters, combined with my work with Dr. Shoemaker and a dream that I had early October 29th, plus the active imagination work I did with the dream after, under guidance from Dr. Shoemaker, that opened the way for me to seek initiation into the Temple of the Silver Star. As I expressed it to Dr. Shoemaker, I feel like Soror Meral plodded faithfully forward through a good deal of nonsense and shenanigans, enough to turn back one who did not have a deep inner confidence in the value of the teachings and the lineage, and planted a tree that is bearing good fruit. By their fruit ye shall know them.
Why not B.O.T.A., or some other order?
Several reasons. Regarding B.O.T.A., I really have very little sense of the life of the order in this plane of existence. My personal interaction with another incarnate human has been limited to a few notes in response to an exams I sent in back in 2011, and some brief email correspondence regarding ordering some copies of lessons. I get the sense that this very gradual approach is by design, and I’ve just reached the point where there is an invitation to become a “corresponding probationer”, though I have not accepted this invitation. So to this point, my relationship has been limited to my own study and practice with Paul Foster Case’s curriculum.
I sense that something happens on the inner planes in response to even this degree of contact, but what that “something” I have no conscious knowledge of. My impression is that these inner plane connections, if they do exist, are transcendent of a particular outer vehicle, and likely to function through any outer vehicle that has genuine connection to the lineage streams of the Western Mysteries.
To the best of my knowledge the closest B.O.T.A. working group is in Palo Alto, which is not practical for regular in person working. Nor am I aware of any other working order in the Sacramento region (aside from O.T.O of course).
Finally, issues of lineage are personally important to me, and I am actually thrilled at the opportunity to work in an order that is a lineal descendant of the Golden Dawn with a living connection to the A.A.
Why do I seek the Initiatory Track, as opposed to the academic track?
With a Gemini rising I know from direct experience that academics are incredibly satisfying, but not necessarily deeply transformative, and at the end of the day it’s transformation that I believe is at the heart of the teachings. Waking up, and then helping others to wake up.
And, as noted above, the potential of doing group magical work in the future is an integral part of my motivation.
You belonged to a magical order before and quit. How do you know you won’t repeat the pattern?
A good question. Age and accrued wisdom for one. My first experience of initiation into a magical order was from age 27-33. Old enough to know better for sure, but in many ways I was quite green. At the point of joining I had never had a serious long-term relationship and only in retrospect can I appreciate how inexperienced (and unskilled!) I was in terms of communicating and trusting in my own intuition or following the promptings of my inner voice. Psychologically, I suspect I hadn’t yet overcome those challenges accrued during my youth; or put more prosaically, I lacked confidence and self-knowledge.
In retrospect it’s also clear that there were abusive and ethically questionable behaviors on the part of the leader of the group. At the time these were accepted as “crazy wisdom” and teaching aimed at pushing one out of the comfort zone. In processing the experience later with others who were part of that community,some of the dynamics could reasonably be construed as cult-like, but no one would have said so at the time. In retrospect, there probably should have been an intervention of some sort. 20/20 hindsight.
Looking back there are also significant questions about the legitimacy of the “lineage”, the teacher’s claims and the training. I mention this in that I perceive quite the contrast with what I know of TotSS from the information that’s made public.
I’ve learned a great deal through my “failure” and the unfolding experience that’s transpired between now and then. Perhaps the most central lesson is that I’m an aspirant at the core. Put another way, I can’t think of much else worth doing besides exploring the Mystery, and regardless of the vicissitudes of life, I have always felt compelled again and again to come back to the quest to know myself and seek deeper communion with the sacred.
As a personality, I’ve gained balance. Most importantly, I’ve learned how to persist in the face of obstacles, to meet inner resistance and stubborn patterns with wisdom and self-compassion, and to enjoy the journey for its own sake, less troubled by lust for results or a need to “be something” other than what I am.
I’ve had the opportunity to partake in varying degrees of the teachings of several different lineages, and in so doing have gained not only more experience and understanding, but a good sense of what feels like “home”. I spent five years studying with a Buddhist teacher and community, and while I appreciated the experience and learned much, it felt rather like traveling in a foreign country, almost as if the energies that they contact come from a different region of the astral: often harmonious with what feel like my “native” energies, though a bit strange; perhaps with some dual-citizenship entities traveling back and forth, but a different system with its own biases and forms. By contrast, the Western Mystery tradition feels very familiar and I seem to resonate with its symbols and archetypes in a much more natural way (despite its sometimes troubled family histories!).
A.C.’s work was the initial starter-fuel for my questing, and I’ve come back to it again and again over the years. It feels a bit like a homecoming to contemplate taking up this work with a community of stellae.
Finally, at this stage of life (I’m 55 this week), I am keenly aware of the need for focused and sustained effort for the duration. I’ve still got learning and transforming to do, and feel a strong need to go through the process and embody the tradition, that I may in turn be a help and support for others who will come after.